The relationship house

In the last blog post, I wrote about the four critical behaviors that predicted disaster for relationships: the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. These four are: contempt, stonewalling, criticism, and defensiveness. Once these behaviors are present they can make it very difficult for a couple to escape from a downward spiral of negative interactions.

Research and rigorous testing in clinical settings showed the Gottman Relationship House Theory was effective in breaking the cycle of marital distress. Their Relationship House Theory rests on building up a relationship foundation based on friendship. Friendship is built over time by getting to know your friend’s internal world, communicating that you like to be around them and appreciate them, and responding positively when they make a request for your time and attention.

Friendship grows and thrives when we feel more positive than negative about the relationship. It also becomes deeper and more meaningful when you can manage conflict well together and help each other pursue your life goals. When you combine all of these elements with mutual trust and commitment, you have a relationship that can go the distance.

Justin Ledford

adapted from the works of John Gottman